Third class standing-only train carriages reintroduced to ease overcrowding : i NEWS

Carriages with standing room only are set to be introduced on Britain’s busiest rail routes in an attempt to ease overcrowding, with a return to “Third Class” train travel for commuters, i can reveal. Ministers have drawn up secret proposals to allow rail companies to strip seating from up to three carriages per train as franchise operators struggle to cope with burgeoning demands on Britain’s creaking rail infrastructure and rising customer dissatisfaction. Buy nine, get one free Passengers willing to put up with the new form of no-frills travel will be offered incentives that include reduced fares and a “buy nine, get one free” loyalty card scheme similar to that operated by coffee shops. Under the system, foot-sore travellers, many of whom already suffer sardine-like conditions, will be entitled to one return journey in First Class accommodation after the required number of seat-free trips. Both ministers and officials in the Department for Transport and Downing Street are understood to be anxious to avoid accusations that they are turning back the clock to the class-riddled Britain of 1956, when Third Class rail travel was finally abolished. Civil servants have been banned from referring to the system as “cattle class” in any official documents or emails. Instead, the new carriages are to be branded as “Super Economy” or “Rush Hour Plus” with 45cm-wide circles painted on the floor to indicate each traveller’s “personal space”. One measure under consideration is the replacement of windows in the seat-free carriages with large plasma screens, which will mix passenger information with bucolic images, classical music and birdsong, chosen by psychologists to reduce stress.


  1. “Civil servants have been banned from referring to the system as “cattle class” in any official documents or emails.”

    Ha, ha!. Nice to know what they really think of us though!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The newspapers were awash this morning with April Fools stories and I chose the above story, because if it were true no one would be surprised.
    Here are two other worthy contenders for April Fools Day…

    By Georgio! Osborne takes new job as fashion designer.
    Ex-chancellor reignites row over multiple commitments by announcing new clothing line for fashion-conscious business people

    IDS champions mental health reform.



    1. The story got me at first, but it was the part about “Buy 9 get 1 Free” that gave it away for me. The barstewards would never let the plebs in first class for free, no matter how long they had been standing. Lol.

      Liked by 1 person

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